So I’ve been depressed since last May – Not “literally” depressed (with suicide and all), but never been that sad in my life. Anyway, one of the main properties/features in my personality is that, I relate. I relate everything to everything. Let’s say If I went to a place and bought something that turned out to NOT be as expected, that item is related to the place – both marked as not good enough.
Nowadays, the reason for my sadness is kind of related to the last 3 years. Every single place I’ve been to, friends I met, and even my one time abroad trip – I can relate everything. That lead to, what I call, the big escape. I am avoiding all places that I used to hangout at, got involved in a couple of new activities (I go to the gym now – not regularly but I started), got a job after graduation, planning to not going to my graduation ceremony, thinking about leaving the country and having my masters degree abroad for a couple of years, and others.
Although that is not a solution and is not what a strong person would do, but that turned out to be a very good solution – yet, it takes a lot of time and a lot of, how to say it in a non-ceec way, pain(?). My main problem now is that, people got involved. I am not only avoiding places, I started to avoid people. Just because some of them may (and may not) remind me – just by looking in their face – with some moments. I am avoiding gatherings and a lot of group hangouts just because they’re at places that I won’t go to, for now. That, unfortunately, led to disappointments and ignorance from my friends and colleagues side. That is exactly what used to happen about 8 years ago – but harder.
The good part is that – I will turn out a better person out of all this isA. Never been that close to Allah as I am now, and I won’t go back to any previous state isA. Ya Rab.